Saturday, July 28, 2007I don't really wanna pen this down. Yet, if I don't, then you'll never know. And then, I'll never be able to get over it.
I've always thought I had grown up. That I would never feel like that again. Yet, the green-eyed monster resurfaced within me last week, causing me to morph into a sulky spoilt brat. The last time I had seen that monster was in early January last year. It resulted in an ugly dispute with some of us raising our voices and some of us hurling hurtful accusations at each other like knives slicing through the hearts and some of us. That also ended with me falling out with the others as the friendship, the bond we once shared snapped like a taut rubber band. (Aaaahh... Yes, I tend to dramatise what happened. Bah!)
Yeah, it all felt too similar last Sunday. That strong sour taste of jealousy and hurt was so damn overwhelming. Probably I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe I'm an unreasonable and overly-sensitive freak. Didn't you notice that I was suddenly withdrawn? Didn't you know you've crossed a boundary?
I was so fuckin pissed that everyone kept commenting about how sleepy I was when in fact I was trying so damn hard to act nonchalant. Sheesh, I don't know how to tell you there and then how I really felt without making myself sound shallow, childish and unreasonable. Believe me when I say I seriously tried my best to convince myself that it was no big deal and I was acting like a dumb moron. Yes, I did try to rationalise with myself. After all, it was I who invited you along.
There was this role reversal. It's like you've become part of the team and I was the friend instead. I felt so left out while you were there integrating yourself so comfortably with my team. I think for once, you've clean forgotten that I exist. I really felt like leaving right there and then. The urge to quit the team was so strong. I don't know. Did it ever matter to you how I feel?
Perhaps I'm a wuss 'cos all I ever know is to sit around, mope and feel sorry for myself instead of actually doing something to make my presence known, otherwise known as to 'vie for attention' as some may blatantly put it.
And so to simply put it: It's a situation whereby Friend A is on close terms with Friend B and C but the latter 2 are not familiar with each other. Thus, Friend A introduces Friend B to Friend C and does her best to make Friend B comfortable around Friend C. Her attempt was too successful that Friend B became too good chums with Friend C that Friend A was alienated.
You get the drift, don't you? Oh well, it's a girl thing.
So what happened in the end?
I kept my mouth shut and channeled my anger towards ramming my fist into the wall repeatedly. I refused to speak to anyone then for fear of spouting something spiteful. I ignored my coach and the other team mates completely despite their attempts to set things right.
Nobody owes me anything.
Friday, July 20, 2007Dancing with the Devil
It was a cold night.
She lit a fire.
The dance of bright red flames attracted a curious moth.
They intrigued him.
He bowed and offered his hand.
She took it.
He enveloped her freezing frame in his delicious warmth.
She closed her unseeing eyes.
He swept her onto the moonlit ground.
Their bodies swayed together to the trance-like tune.
The moth danced nearer to the alluring fire.
Mesmerised by its exuberant vigour.
Deaf to the hiss and crackle by angry red tongues of flames.
He spoke with charm.
Of the many wonders she could experience.
If only she would.
To belong, to be wanted, to be loved.
All these she could receive.
If only she would.
Sweet promises to fulfil her desires.
Luring dreams of all that she could be.
If only she would.
Dark whispers of temptation swirled around.
Like the smouldering flames beneath his hungry eyes.
Sending thrills and shivers of excitement through her.
Bewitched by the burning fiery ball.
The moth dived right into the angry red tongues of flames.
Devoured amidst the hiss and crackle.
She opened her unseeing eyes.
Not understanding why he chose her.
Uncertain if she would.
Laughter rumbled low in his throat.
He gave her one last twirl.
He swore he would return to claim her.
Before he let her go.
The music ceased.
The dance stopped.
The clouds engulfed the moon.
All was still.
The night was cold.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007Sheesh... It's been a while since I last blogged. So much so that I actually forgotten that I had to log in with my gmail account and not my blogger.com userid. Shucks! I must be getting real old.
Anyway, I've been thinking bout getting my very first tattoo these few days after seeing Munster's new tattoo. It was pretty damn good workmanship (so good that I've never entertained the thought of getting tattooed until I saw his work of art on dear Munster) and the tattoo artist seems like a pretty nice guy too (and he wasn't covered in tattoos like what most of us would assume).
Ok, before you start scrambling to persuade/dissuade me from getting a tattoo, I've got a few points to make. I've already given it some thought. So don't worry! I'm not getting a tattoo on impulse.
Oh well, do you think I should still go ahead and get a tattoo? I know I'm still not ready to get one yet. Geez...
in 1822, William Herschel discovered (Ur)anus
desires for 2007
+ a good man to settle down with
to be done soon
+ lose more weight
movies watchlist 2007