This feisty lil Bitch has horns!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

I don't really wanna pen this down. Yet, if I don't, then you'll never know. And then, I'll never be able to get over it.

I've always thought I had grown up. That I would never feel like that again. Yet, the green-eyed monster resurfaced within me last week, causing me to morph into a sulky spoilt brat. The last time I had seen that monster was in early January last year. It resulted in an ugly dispute with some of us raising our voices and some of us hurling hurtful accusations at each other like knives slicing through the hearts and some of us. That also ended with me falling out with the others as the friendship, the bond we once shared snapped like a taut rubber band. (Aaaahh... Yes, I tend to dramatise what happened. Bah!)

Yeah, it all felt too similar last Sunday. That strong sour taste of jealousy and hurt was so damn overwhelming. Probably I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe I'm an unreasonable and overly-sensitive freak. Didn't you notice that I was suddenly withdrawn? Didn't you know you've crossed a boundary?

I was so fuckin pissed that everyone kept commenting about how sleepy I was when in fact I was trying so damn hard to act nonchalant. Sheesh, I don't know how to tell you there and then how I really felt without making myself sound shallow, childish and unreasonable. Believe me when I say I seriously tried my best to convince myself that it was no big deal and I was acting like a dumb moron. Yes, I did try to rationalise with myself. After all, it was I who invited you along.

I failed.

There was this role reversal. It's like you've become part of the team and I was the friend instead. I felt so left out while you were there integrating yourself so comfortably with my team. I think for once, you've clean forgotten that I exist. I really felt like leaving right there and then. The urge to quit the team was so strong. I don't know. Did it ever matter to you how I feel?

Perhaps I'm a wuss 'cos all I ever know is to sit around, mope and feel sorry for myself instead of actually doing something to make my presence known, otherwise known as to 'vie for attention' as some may blatantly put it.

And so to simply put it: It's a situation whereby Friend A is on close terms with Friend B and C but the latter 2 are not familiar with each other. Thus, Friend A introduces Friend B to Friend C and does her best to make Friend B comfortable around Friend C. Her attempt was too successful that Friend B became too good chums with Friend C that Friend A was alienated.

You get the drift, don't you? Oh well, it's a girl thing.

So what happened in the end?

I kept my mouth shut and channeled my anger towards ramming my fist into the wall repeatedly. I refused to speak to anyone then for fear of spouting something spiteful. I ignored my coach and the other team mates completely despite their attempts to set things right.

Nobody owes me anything.

I'm sorry.

WildChild @ 10:04 pm | comment link here

F.Bitch.I Profile

+ Name: Stephanie Dara
+ Age: Forever 21
+ Horoscope: Libra
Not your average kind of gurl
More than you can handle
Contact

in 1822, William Herschel discovered (Ur)anus

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desires for 2007

+ a good man to settle down with
+ a GPA score of higher than 4.1
+ a ton of good crime fiction books
+ a few more pounds to be shed
+ to look and feel good about myself
*****Wishlist*****

to be done soon

+ lose more weight
+ ~~get a new pair of spectacles~~
+ shop for new shoes
+ a pedicure & manicure session
+ an eyebrow trimming session
+ ~~a hair makeover~~
+ ~~shop for CNY clothes~~
+ shop for bra and panties

movies watchlist 2007

+ ~~Curse of The Golden Flower~~
+ ~~Pan's Labyrinth~~
+ One Last Dance
+ Zodiac
+ Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
+ Hannibal Rising
+ The Number 23
+ Spider-Man 3
+ 28 Weeks Later
+ Ocean's Thirteen
+ Nancy Drew: The Mystery in
Hollywood Hills
+ ~~Harry Potter & The Order of Phoenix~~

my babes

[*] Charlette
[*] Dee
[*] Denise
[*] Gladys
[*] Imms
[*] Jo
[*] Lil Sis
[*] Linyan
[*] Lynn
[*] Munster
[*] Rozie

my hunks

[*] Ahxing
[*] Amos
[*] Brudda
[*] Dan
[*] Darthsid
[*] DK
[*] Dude
[*] Hao
[*] John