This feisty lil Bitch has horns!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

I have never thought myself to be a pessimist. It has never occurred to me that I view things so negatively around me. Yet, friends have been commenting that I'm not optimistic enough.

So this was what happened between Baby and me last week during our second argument.

Me: If you do see some other girl you fancy, just go ahead and woo her.

Him: .....

Me: I've got no self-confidence ok. I've got really serious self-esteem issues.

Him: Oh, so you mean you don't care? Even if there are other girls coming after me, you don't care? I see. Ok, I'm off to bed. Good night. Bye.

He didn't heard what I said earlier and neither did he give me a chance to explain. Baby loves jumping to conclusions. And that got me pissed. I know he was trying to test my reaction, to see if I'll get jealous or not. Before that, he was telling me about how this other girl was trying to get him to go out with her but he made it clear he had no intentions of going out with this other girl.

I smsed him to try to explain. But I was speechless. He replied that he was very disappointed with me, but he was waiting for my explanation. I ignored him for 3 full days, partially cos I was pissed and also because I wanted to concentrate on a test on the coming Friday.

Instead of getting all riled up and turning into the green eye monster, I told him to go pursue his own happiness. Is it wrong of me? Perhaps. But I know I'm not pretty, I don't have a good figure and I'm so tomboyish. In terms of physical aspects, I've already lost out to like 90% of the female population out there. I am scared to death of misplacing my trust. I am holding back so much. But am I to be blamed?! I've got my self-esteem whacked once. Further more, inner conflicts are such a pain in the ass. Everytime I see a pretty girl, I would be thinking - How I wish I've got a figure like hers, How I wish I've got such nice hair like hers, How I wish I've got such nice facial features like hers. I would even go to the extent of asking myself if Baby likes the girl I saw or not.

Fortunately, the argument was resolved on Friday night when we finally sat down to have a good talk. I don't want to go too much into the details but Baby was really very sweet and understanding. Too understanding that it was too good to be true.

Sooner or later, this relationship is gonna be wrecked by my own self-doubt. Sigh...

By the way, do guys really speak the truth when they are drunk?

*****

My cousin has been discharged from the hospital on Monday. All's well but she has to be constantly reminded not to move around too much. I still have not visited her at home since she was discharged. Work's catching up on me, but I should be visiting her this coming weekend.

Anyway, I should be on a short break again till end April due to assignments and exams. But do continue to check this space for sporadic updates. Oh yar! I desperately need another round of manicure and pedicure. But I need time for the nails to grow. My fingernails are bitten and the skin on da toes are so dry and rough. EWWwww... All right, back to my jogging routine. Ciao!

WildChild @ 9:53 pm | comment link here

F.Bitch.I Profile

+ Name: Stephanie Dara
+ Age: Forever 21
+ Horoscope: Libra
Not your average kind of gurl
More than you can handle
Contact

in 1822, William Herschel discovered (Ur)anus

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desires for 2007

+ a good man to settle down with
+ a GPA score of higher than 4.1
+ a ton of good crime fiction books
+ a few more pounds to be shed
+ to look and feel good about myself
*****Wishlist*****

to be done soon

+ lose more weight
+ ~~get a new pair of spectacles~~
+ shop for new shoes
+ a pedicure & manicure session
+ an eyebrow trimming session
+ ~~a hair makeover~~
+ ~~shop for CNY clothes~~
+ shop for bra and panties

movies watchlist 2007

+ ~~Curse of The Golden Flower~~
+ ~~Pan's Labyrinth~~
+ One Last Dance
+ Zodiac
+ Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
+ Hannibal Rising
+ The Number 23
+ Spider-Man 3
+ 28 Weeks Later
+ Ocean's Thirteen
+ Nancy Drew: The Mystery in
Hollywood Hills
+ ~~Harry Potter & The Order of Phoenix~~

my babes

[*] Charlette
[*] Dee
[*] Denise
[*] Gladys
[*] Imms
[*] Jo
[*] Lil Sis
[*] Linyan
[*] Lynn
[*] Munster
[*] Rozie

my hunks

[*] Ahxing
[*] Amos
[*] Brudda
[*] Dan
[*] Darthsid
[*] DK
[*] Dude
[*] Hao
[*] John