This feisty lil Bitch has horns!

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Dear Mike,

Something has happened that caused a change in our relationship. Maybe it's because of that issue. I have been having extreme mood swings for the past couple of weeks, alternating between being upset and being pissed off, neither of which is a positive emotion. You knew something was wrong, but neither of us could exactly pinpoint the root of the problem.

When was the last time I've called you my Baby? When was the last time we've actually met up? When was the last time we had a decent phone conversation? When was the last time I smiled as I drifted off to lalaland, thinking of you? How long more do I have to console myself that it was because you were really busy and I should be supportive and understanding? How long more do I have to keep up with the pretense that I'm okay and everything is fine when I'm not?

Anger is like this hot molten lava simmering within a dormant volcano, waiting to erupt. I am hurting inside but yet I can't say anything. I don't want to rant and rave at you. I can only vent out my frustration by sobbing everynight in bed. I'm even starting to lose sleep. Am I on the brink of insanity?

This cannot go on. I don't want to stay up till 2a.m each day to make sure you are home safe and sound. I wish I can call you whenever I have problems. I wish you would stop smoking and drinking so much for health's sake. I wish I could believe your words and trust you at all times.

Remember during courtship, you said you would try to like dogs because I love them? But now, you tell me you really can't stand them and you dislike animals. When I said I wanted to go on a cruise because I've never been on one, you said that cruises were boring (though you changed your mind later on and tried to accomodate me but I wasn't really keen on going on a cruise anymore). When I said that I was envious when I saw the rest of my coursemates busy calling/sms-ing their loved ones to bitch about the exams, you told me not to worry about the exams. What I really wanted to say was they all had someone to turn to, and you weren't there for me.

A guy friend once said: "That's what men are like. We lie, we cheat, we do whatever we can just to get ~~into the pants of~~ the girl we like. And after that, we don't really give a damn."

Is that what is happening now? Was it because I was courted so easily that I am not treasured now? Were all your promises just lies and nonsense that you babbled because you were under the influence of alcohol? Can you then blame me for distancing myself from you time and time again?

Noone is perfect. Since I've chosen to go into a relationship with you, I would learn and try to accept your flaws and your shortcomings. I would try harder to overcome my own flaws and weaknesses too. Like you said, I'm a stubborn girl. Should the time come when my feelings for you are not strong enough to embrace these flaws and sustain this relationship, then I guess we are better off as friends.

When the bad times overshadow the good times, does it mean it's time for us to go our own separate ways?

Love,
Steph

WildChild @ 11:00 pm | comment link here

F.Bitch.I Profile

+ Name: Stephanie Dara
+ Age: Forever 21
+ Horoscope: Libra
Not your average kind of gurl
More than you can handle
Contact

in 1822, William Herschel discovered (Ur)anus

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desires for 2007

+ a good man to settle down with
+ a GPA score of higher than 4.1
+ a ton of good crime fiction books
+ a few more pounds to be shed
+ to look and feel good about myself
*****Wishlist*****

to be done soon

+ lose more weight
+ ~~get a new pair of spectacles~~
+ shop for new shoes
+ a pedicure & manicure session
+ an eyebrow trimming session
+ ~~a hair makeover~~
+ ~~shop for CNY clothes~~
+ shop for bra and panties

movies watchlist 2007

+ ~~Curse of The Golden Flower~~
+ ~~Pan's Labyrinth~~
+ One Last Dance
+ Zodiac
+ Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
+ Hannibal Rising
+ The Number 23
+ Spider-Man 3
+ 28 Weeks Later
+ Ocean's Thirteen
+ Nancy Drew: The Mystery in
Hollywood Hills
+ ~~Harry Potter & The Order of Phoenix~~

my babes

[*] Charlette
[*] Dee
[*] Denise
[*] Gladys
[*] Imms
[*] Jo
[*] Lil Sis
[*] Linyan
[*] Lynn
[*] Munster
[*] Rozie

my hunks

[*] Ahxing
[*] Amos
[*] Brudda
[*] Dan
[*] Darthsid
[*] DK
[*] Dude
[*] Hao
[*] John